Wow it's been over a month since I posted anything new, sorry for that. Well let me give you a quick run through of what has happened. First of all and most importantly I'm back in Bridges. This just happened recently so don't feel too out of the loop. :) Ok next on the big list is uh um?!, I have made a apologies to the ones I have hurt, all but one. I'm working on it, it's harder than you think- apologizing for taking someone on a roller coaster ride that you weren't even aware they were on. Continuing there's been a bit of a setback, I've been leaning on things that immediately produce a great amount of numbness for me.
Now I'm going to talk about the best and most terrifying that has happened- myself being back in Bridges. I was automatically happy of course but after about five seconds of overwhelming joy- I was stricken with a feeling of shock, nervousness, and most of all fear. Fear that I would hurt people again, fear that I would do something so intolerable that I would be out for good, fear that I couldn't do this, fear that I was making a mistake for letting myself back into people's lives. I was (and still am) scared of all those things. I walk in the doors, see certain people, and put the zombie mask on. I pretend th-that, I don't even pretend-I feel nothing, I see nothing, I hear nothing, I say nothing. All of this for fear that I might hurt them. Call me crazy but, I rather die than hurt them again. It just hurts to much- knowing that they've hurt over me, because of me.
On a lighter note, just over the weekend I spent the night at my friends house. To say the least it was great. Many vids were made and we watched NEW MOON (thank you bootleg). Theres proly no food left in that house cause we SMASHED all night/ morning. Best day/night/day ever!!! I might post something tomorrow, or Wednesday-after BTC (Bridges). <3
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