This is hard!!!!

Okay well surrender is one thing, but life after the surrender. Well that's a totally different story. Life is not any easier as I stated in my last post, but I just couldn't stop myself from hoping that it would be. Grrrr!!! I wish that God was a tangible being, physically I mean because I feel Him sometimes, or at least I think it's Him. But any way if I could just have a twenty minute sit down with Him then maybe I could get some answers. But you see if that were someday the case then every moment of my faith would be well not a lie, but not what we speak it to be. The whole shape of Christianity would change. It would be like a mother telling their child "One day you will see me, so for now while you don't just know that one day you will, okay.?" It wouldn't make a bit of sense. It would be confusing and frustrating. Then that time would come, the twenty minutes would be up, and there you would sit, still confused and still frustrated. But at least with God he guides us (when allowed) to His intended destination for us.

Being a christian is a glorious thing it can also be a very hard thing, especially when God seems unresponsive. When I feel that God is unresponsive IT IS hard. It's not a walk in the park, it's like running for so long that your lungs feel like they're on fire and you can't breath. To say the least it's not pleasnt. I hope that over time my relationship with the Lord can be a good, strong, and amazing one. Not just one that's only on the surface but one that is deep within me. So deep that it feels like it was always there. As for now though our relationship is soooo not like that. It's more chaotic and spastick and well really not a relationship at all. It's more like God's my aquanttince, I know of Him, but I don't know Him. Whereas from His perspective I probably look like a rebelious child who needs to listen and grow up. All the same: we're not on the same page, not by a longshot.

(I already had the 1st two paragrahps of this post done so now I'm just gonna try and pick up where I left off and uptade you guys on my life.)

Life is hard as we speak. It's really not fun or entertaning at all. Well, to be honest, it's hell. I want things that I know I shouldn't and I don't know how to make the toughts in my head stop. My life is seriously screwed up right now. And to make it all worse my friends are dumping all of their problems on me, like I can even attempt to be the one to make their lives better. I tell them to pray and ask God. They're all like "when did you get so smart?" and my reply is "I just am. So do what I told you and you'll end up thanking me later". Then when I get home or whatever I'm like you're such a hypocrite, rach. How can you tell them what to do when you can't even do it yourself? Oh yea you're quite the leader.

Well there you have it somthing new and somthing kinda old.

Feedback is welcome!!